The face of depression.
What does it look like?
How do we know whose battling or who isn’t?
Before I start I have to say that this subject is something I know a lot about.
You see that picture above?
And I am the face of depression.
I do have to say that I have always felt burdened with writing openly about it…
because I believe that in life, if we can help just one person with our story, it makes everything worth it.
Part of me was nervous to write this blog.
I know that someone will take what I say & still bash me.
Or tell me that I am a bad person for my battles.
But it’s ok.
Because I firmly believe I am a good person.
Some words that my friends & clients have used to describe me are…
Down to Earth.
Do those words sound awful to you?
Do they describe someone that may have dealt with a form of depression their whole life?
Because depression doesn’t own me.
I own myself.
The reason I chose to speak up now was due to the fact of the recent headlines & news on
Robin Williams choosing to end his life.
When I heard he passed away, my heart was just sad.
Sad because I knew the struggle he was dealing with.
Now that being said, I have never had addiction issues with drugs or alcohol…
So I am sure that adds a lot of evilness into the picture.
And in the end makes it that much more tough to remain strong.
But I have dealt with the core of it.
The worst of it.
I can remember feeling this awful thing [depression] at the earliest of ages.
Of course when you are a child you have no major worries or woes in your life.
So it’s easier to let go.
The teenage years is when it reared it’s ugly head.
I won’t deny that I did some bad things.
Worried my mom & dad sick.
My family was also going through a break up all while
I was starting to fall apart.
Years down the road things kind of went away for a while.
I ended up in college and finished up my AA degree.
[worked full time in logistics & went to night school to get it done, I was determined]
Fast forward some time.
Had a baby about a year into that.
Then bam…I didn’t know what was happening at the time but it was setting me up for one
of the worst feelings/situations I have ever felt in my life.
And big time.
I won’t go into details, because thats not whats important here.
But I was highly isolated. Depressed. Scared. Anxious.
I felt like I was dying.
I was also at the time dealing with a failing marriage which just compounded everything.
Years later I got better.
My husband at the time got me the best of the best help & for that I am thankful.
Started talking with people that knew a lot on the subject.
You see, knowledge is POWER.
It’s all so scary when we don’t know what’s happening to us.
And then when we know all the reasoning behind it, it tends to put things at ease.
So here I am.
Today, a successful business owner.
A mama to the best boy on earth.
A thriving individual.
I could write a book on the subject in all honesty
but I am trying to keep this short & solid.
Years & years ago my mom struggled with understanding why I was feeling the way I was.
She thought people could just “think positive”
and feel better.
That depression was our own doing.
After her taking the last long journey with me, she realized it’s truly a medical/genetic condition.
We cannot simply just think ourselves to feeling better.
[trust me I wish it was THAT easy]
We can educate ourselves.
We can get help & talk to people that are experts in this matter.
And we can LIVE A PRODUCTIVE & BEAUTIFUL LIFE.
But you have to want it.
You have to be eager to learn about yourself & why these things kind of happen.
Do I have some bad days still?
But thats NORMAL.
One cannot live life without some bad mixed in with the good.
In some cases a slight medication can be a real life saver.
I do believe that the majority of people on anti-despressants do not need it.
But there are people who live with a true chemical balance.
And don’t be ashamed of that.
It’s like if someone had diabetes or was anemic…or had heart issues.
Its part of you & your journey.
Don’t let anyone down you for that.
To the people that are struggling…
Remember that your life is beyond meaningful.
God didn’t make you any less beautiful than the person next to you.
You have a purpose.
And you can find that strength to over come it all.
You just have to want it & stay strong.
Get help if you need it.
Reach out to people for help & support.
I will say that I could not have gotten through any of this without the Love of God.
I have cried & prayed to him countless of times.
He knows my struggles better than anyone else.
And knowing that, I have this constant peace in my heart.
And that peace is amazing.
You don’t have to carry the burden all on your own.
I had a conversation with my dad yesterday about Robin Williams & the whole subject.
He said something that struck me so hard I had to write it down.
My dad said to me, “How many Robin Williams are out there walking the streets?”
He said, how many people you do pass daily that have smiles on their faces and sadness in their soul?
Just stop & think about that for a moment.
Way more than you or I would ever know about.
My dad is very knowledgeable when it comes to God & that love.
He told me yesterday that he feels reasonable if he doesn’t share that love & support with people.
My dad doesn’t struggle, but he gets it.
He knows that there are people out there struggling every day.
And he feels burdened to help & reach out to them.
Don’t be that person that downs another for dealing with something they may have never dealt with.
Am I constantly dealing with depression?
Nope, but the underlining of it is always there.
My good days far out number my bad days.
I am now knowledgable on the subject & have learned how to live my life the best I am able to.
Depression can happen to anyone.
Know that you are not alone.
Know that your life can be meaningful.
Know that you are BEAUTIFUL.
And know that there is help & understanding for those who are eager.
My heart goes out to you if you’ve been told your less of a person for your struggle.
My heart goes out to you if you’ve been told that you just need to think positive.
My heart goes out to you if you’ve been shunned by a friend when reaching out for help.
All of the above has happened to me in the past.
And I have taken a vow never to treat another human the way I was treated.
Because all of that just made me hurt.
And hurt worse.
Be mindful to others because you never really know the struggles they are going through.
I have countless friends [whom are highly talented & creative]
that struggle with depression.
We talk about it from time to time & check up on each other.
And I think that is what the world needs more of.
Remember to treat others as you wish to be treated.
I want to end this by simply saying…
If you are in need of help or guidance, please reach out.
If it isn’t to me, reach out to someone.
Because there really are a lot of people in this world that truly care.
My heart hurts for Robin Williams & his family.
I wish things didn’t have to end the way they did for him.
But in the strangest of ways, I get it.
Sometimes that burden becomes too heavy of a load to carry.
And its a shame that this had to happen the way it did.
Until you or I have walked in his shoes, we will never understand.
A part of me feels at ease now after writing this.
I feel thankful that I had the strength to let you all into my life.
Will someone think less of me now?
But I have a feeling there will be more people applauding me.
I had this story…this journey for a reason…
and my hope is that someone can learn from it.
And feel the support I never got when I needed it the most.